Harsh Reality of Suicides..

5 09 2014

The last few days and week or so, I have been fascinated with documentaries on a topic that everyone doesn’t want to talk about or consider it, cause it taboo and that is, Suicides.

From all the videos I seen and articles I have read, I have learned that even though there are numbers to calls and support groups, there are no real understanding or education on the matter. We know the root of the cause of why someone would want to hurt themselves like this. Usually the reasons are what everyone faces at some point in their lives, no matter what social background you come from. It ranges from, having a lot a bad things happening to you at once, abuse, bullying, money situations, anxiety, painful break-ups, or just feeling out-of-place to where you believe no one wants you around or would miss you if your gone. We live in a society that is so cruel and harsh. Some people have a hard time keeping their eye on hope and the light at the end of a very long dark tunnel.

I watched a few videos on the aftermath of someone committing suicide. An in each video, family members and friends all question their last conversations and actions with that person. Which left them all asking, “why?!” “How come he/she didn’t come to me for help??”, “Why didn’t I see the signs??”. It’s heart breaking to watch really. Specially if they never left a suicide note or given anyone a clue on whats going on with them. Which lead me to honestly look at my close friends and family members closer and I ask myself, “are they truly happy?” “is that smile real?”. Everyone goes through hard time, everyone. It really has gotten me too remind people if they need me for anything, even just to talk, they can call me day or night.

After watching a videos on YouTube, I read a few comments below and everyone had their own opinions and thoughts on the matter and I felt like I needed to add something, and here is what I posted.

Everyone has their opinion, thoughts and feelings on this topic. No one is right or wrong with what they think and feel about suicide. Personally, I am the type of person who loves to help others. An when thinking about how I could help someone who has such pain and depression, its hard to think of ways to help. How can we help someone who feels suicidal when we can’t understand HOW they are feeling? We can talk about how there is more to life, there are good things in life, etc. To them, most of the time, all they hear is blah blah blah. Cause they been trying to get people for a long time see they are screaming for help but ignore them, and sadly, it is what adds fuel to their suicidal thoughts. I keep telling myself, I can’t help everyone or make everyone happy. All I can do is, let a PROFESSIONAL know and let them take it from there. Besides, thinking about it some more, I can also understand from the family and friends of those who took their own life point of view.

Hell, maybe, I can understand from both sides of it all, but all I know is I am one person making the best of this life I have one day at a time. Overall, if you know someone who is alone, sad, depressed, talking about death in general, anti-social, be there for them as much as you can, day or night. Be their ear, shoulder and if you can, be their ride to seeing a professional. An don’t think just because they are laughing and smiling a lot that they are truly happy either. Cause just like saying goes, “don’t judge a book by its cover”, a lot of times it’s their way of protecting you from their issues. Look for the small signs and really let them know you are there for them. Most of all, don’t ignore them.

I wish everyone love, peace and happiness. :)”

I also read a few comments that were bashing the person for killing themselves. Calling them cowards and losers, or that they are going to hell for killing themselves. It kind of angered me. They have the right to their opinions, so I kept quiet. Just how can one show such negativity and judgment to a situation they don’t clearly understand or been through. My mind is all over the place on this topic and it comes at a point in my life where I am looking to make a difference in a person’s life. What got me to research a bit more and watch documentaries on suicides, I watched two videos which brought tears to my eyes. If you are interested in watching these documentaries, the first video you have to watch is on “The Bridge” on YouTube. It’s about an hour long, but it’s moving but can be a little disturbing. But it’s the brutal truth. The second, “Suicide Forest in Japan”. To me, it shows that society just pushes you to the edge. I mean, in Japan, they have a booklet on HOW TO KILL YOURSELF. Not joking.

The world needs to wake up. Open their eyes and talk about this. There are people out their needing our help, but are so ashamed and embarrassed to open up and talk, cause we make them feel like out casts. We make them feel worse by brushing off their issues or ignoring them. STOP! Open your eyes, if you see someone depressed or suicidal… HELP THEM! Even if all you can do is listen, then listen! In some cases, all they want is someone to listen to them, and it usually is their personal first step to healing.

I am going to end this here. I will pick this up again next time. I am going to do more research and find ways to make myself available to help others who are at the point of ending their life.

To be continued…


Back to the grind :(

25 08 2014

Well.. less than 24 hours until vacation will be over. I so don’t want to go back to work. Just the thought of going back to such a place is stressing me out already. But, God, I had a good relaxing vacation.

My vacation started on the 16th, when I clocked out at 5:30. An let me tell you, I never walked so fast out of that place in my life. The moment I got home here, I got out of my work cloths, finish packing up a few things and my hunny (who was waiting here for me) and I bolted to Orlando to his place. Then in the morning of the 17th, we left before 9 in the morning, and drove 4 hours south to Bonita Bay. It’s about 15 miles before Ft. Myers, but it still considers itself Ft. Myers. We get to our hotel, which made me feel like orphan Annie walking into the lobby. Marble floors, very quiet, bar at the lobby, salt water pool which had a bar & grill attach to it to get drink and food. Our room, oh my, our bed was temperpetic, bathroom looks so pretty. We had a view out of our back sliding door which was a very pretty lake. We were there until Friday.

We went to the beach for a few times, and swam in that beautiful pool. We tried hole in the wall restaurants, went to the movies. We did a lot of things. I even took 157 pictures. It was so beautiful down there. Granted, it was hotter than hell. The highest we had was 99 degrees, and with the heat index it was 115 degrees. Playing put-put golf was rough. Even though it was 10 in the morning, it was 90 degrees already. It’s south Florida for you though. We managed. We made a few memories and saw a very beautiful sunset our last night there when we walked on the beach (and yes, I took pictures! lol).

Oh, on the whole thing of going off the grid thing. I didn’t do all to well. I didn’t talk to anyone except when people were calling and text me on my birthday (the 20th). I didn’t have my laptop though. That’s a plus, right?!? I have too honestly work on it, and I will get there. Do they have rehab for those addicted to social medias and electronics?

Now I am sitting here, dreading going back to work. I did though do something that is a big step forward to better my life, I filled out a job application for another company all together. So, we will see how it goes. I am going to go give it another week or so, I am going to fill out more apps. It’s a start. I just have to be strong and make the best of it without pulling out my hair.

Anyway, that’s all I have now. Be back soon, maybe with a link to my trip pictures. Later Gators. :)


Social Media is a drug..

14 08 2014

I, Ally, have an addiction to social media and websites..

I think I have mentioned this before, but I don’t know if I should be proud of that or not. I grew up without video games or a lot of TV. I was outdoors a lot and playing board games with family members. Hell, I didn’t get my first cellphone until I got out of high school and got my frist job (then again, they didn’t have all the apps as they do today). An even then I didn’t talk to much on it. Thinking back on it, I think it was when I got my first iPhone, which was the iPhone 3 the very first one Apple had out, was when it all went down hill for me. I now literally have that phone on me 24/7/365. Not the original first iPhone, but my iPhone 5. I have everything on that damn phone. Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, YouTube, Twitter, News apps, Vine, e-mail, tons of games.. you name it, I got it.

I still don’t watch a whole lot of tv, but I sure as hell have my face glued to my phone. Drives my boyfriend nuts. He literally only has a work cellphone that his boss gave him and one house phone (which is not cordless by the way). He has no problem with unplugging from the world, to where I just stay plugged in without realizing it. I tell myself all the time, “You have all these apps and stuff to stay connected with friends and other things”. Do I really need all those things? I can’t stand seeing drama on any social media sites, yet, I keep reading them, watching and even at times post my own opinions on matters. Which at the end, makes me no better than the people or situations I am commenting on. I realize I had a serious problem when I find myself at 1 in the morning in bed, on my phone. I even tried to put my phone down, then within 5 minutes like a repetitive action and addiction, I pick up my phone and I am Facebook again. I seriously had to make myself put my phone down and go to sleep. Sadly, moment I wake up, without lifting my head, I am checking e-mail and my Facebook. God, that is so sad..

So, how am I going to fix this?

Well, the only way I can think of is, when I am my vacation give my boyfriend my phone and not bring my laptop. Only time I would check my phone is when I check to see if there are any important missed calls (like a family member calling, etc), then give my phone right back to my boyfriend. I already know I will have withdraws, which only means I have to keep extra busy on my trip. I am going to bring a book and here is a shocker, maybe actually get real sleep! The possibilities are endless! All I know is, if I can unplug myself (aka going off the grid), I can pull myself away from anything. It’s kind of going to be a challenge for me, but I am sure going to give it one hell of a try.

In closing, this means, I will not post anything on any social media sites until I get back from vacation, starting the moment I clock out on saturday from work to start my vacation. With that said, I will talk to you all in a little over a week. Wish me luck!! :)

Stay happy, positive and happy reading.



14 08 2014

This week can’t be and go any slower. On Saturday, 5:30 PM I will be on 9 day vacation. My body and feet are really dragging. Work really has me burnt out and I need time away to really relax. To be honest, it’s just not work. It’s time away with my hunny and to escape drama with certain people (ok just with ONE person). I need to refocus. I need to figure out what is important in my life and WHO is important. I am not saying I am an easy person to be friends with either, or that I haven’t made mistakes myself, but there is a limit I don’t cross. Yet, people will cross it all the time. I really need to stop taking crap like that from those who don’t honestly care about me. I learned if someone tells you, they care (no matter in what way), they show it. Maybe it’s me, but I try to be friends with people I really shouldnt be friends with. They are just sooo toxic.

It’s hard to explain. My mind is going 100 miles per minute. I’m confused on how to handle some situations, specially with a certain person. Good note is, this person has me “blocked” and is ignoring me right now. So, I am taking this time to get my thoughts together and see how I am going to shake the anger, pain, confusion, and disappointment. I don’t know if I can let this person back into my life anymore. They keep going in and out, in and out of my life and frankly, I can’t keep going on like that. People are telling me just to let it go, get over it. If this person honestly cared no matter the situation or even a true friend, they would never let anyone or anything keep you from being friends. Of course, I don’t hate this person and it’s obvious this person has a lot to figure out in their life and deal with, and maybe at this time it’s not our time to be in each other life. I know what you are thinking. No worries, no matter how much it hurts, I can’t cave into this person anymore unless some serious changes are made and they prove themselves in HUGE ways. Cause right now, no trust. I don’t even trust the air they inhale, that’s how bad it is.

Who knows.. I am going to clear my mind on my vacation and set somethings in motion. For now, I wish this person the best in life and I hope they keep themselves out of trouble and lastly, I hope it was worth it all. I am moving on.

Anyway, I am going to bed. If I don’t post before my vacation, I will catch you all up sometime after I get back. For now, I am off the grid. Later taters.


Poor Blogger.

3 08 2014

Hello everyone. I honestly have no excuse for not updating sooner, but the fact I was just forgetful and busy. I need a reminder to update more often. Who wants to remind me? You might think I am kidding but I’m not.. lol. Let me know if you are up for the task, by twitting me @CuriousSpirit.

Not a lot has changed. I am still with my sweetie (going on 9 months) and we are going on our first vacation as a couple in two weeks for 8 days. So, we will see if we can be together for 8 nights without getting on each other nerves. If we get along without wanting to kill one another, well, then it’s another sign things are meant to be. The best part of it is, we are gone the week of my birthday. Which makes the week even more fun. My aim though for my vacation is to honestly relax, fully unwind, and clear my head. I plan on unplugging from my phone and lap top as well. It will be hard for me cause I’m on my phone more than I realize and it’s starting to bug me that it’s such a big part of my life. It’s easy for him, but it’s very hard for me. So, I am most likely going to be off the grid for 98% of my vacation. Should be the test of my will power.

As for work, well, work as gotten more stressful and with the advice of close friends and my sweetie, it’s time I leave that place. Which means, I hope to be out of that place before the year is over. Just thinking about that place stresses me out. I am over it all. I really am. So.. changes in that is to come soon, I hope. Of course, finding another job means moving out of this small town. Overall, it’s going to be a huge change for me and out of my comfort zone. Thankfully, I have my sweetie as my rock and support.

This is all I have for now, sorry. Soon as someone reminds me to update, I will be back. Stay strong my friends and don’t forget to love and live! :)


Im here.. Im here..

14 06 2014

Ok.. like I promised, an update, the 411, the scoop on what I am been up too.

For starters, I am still with my sweetie. We are going on 7 months and still going strong. He makes me laugh a lot, makes me feel pretty, he is fun, he is smart and adventurous. I can say, I see myself with him for a long time. He and I are big on trying to keep busy and try new things. We cleaned up the pool he has, so we can swim and I can work on getting my tan on. Next thing we are going to try (weather permitting of course) going on one of Florida’s long bike trails. See nature and get a good work out. I can’t wait. Honestly, been thinking about seriously just moving to Orlando where he is (well move in with him). I just need to find a job. Speaking of which, I am slowly in my heart feel its time that I leave my current job and find something better. So, I also been looking for a job on the side.

I also been looking for more hobbies other than photography (which I am trying to get back into). So I have been watching a lot of YouTube channels on metal detecting and coin collecting. Now I know what you are thinking, but I am telling you from what I seen and read so fair on the web about it all, it’s not only historical findings in it, you can also get money with your findings. I am a beginner and I don’t have a metal detector and I would have to save up for one. In the mean while, I am also looking into coin collecting. Now, I don’t know if I am 100% right or not, but some not a lot of coins made before 1970 like the quarter or half dollars, are made of real silver. I need to do more research on it all, but I spent most of my day looking through all my coins I have in the house and I found some old coins. The oldest one is a 1940 one cent penny. Keep in mind, a lot of pennies back then were made of copper. Then again, not sure if that is true or not, so I will be doing more digging. I will try to keep you posted on that.

Hmm what else… I am on a diet again. It’s hard, specially if I am bored for more than 30 minute cause then I will just eat. What I am doing is, I got an app on my phone that is helping me count my calories and the steps I take throughout the day. Basically, keep my ass moving. Overall, just cut back a lot of my food intake, more of the healthy stuff and stay active. Lost 2 pounds already the first week. Good start in my opinion. Well, I can’t think of anything else so I will be in touch. If anyone out there knows anything about coin collecting, shoot me a message. Any who, I will catch you all later. :)


Im alive… promise!

12 06 2014

Hey everyone..

I am sorry for the lack of updating. Just been busy with life and going on mini adventures with my sweetie. Not forgetting the fact, working a lot too. I will have time this weekend, for a full update. So, hang in there :)



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