Makes you wonder…

12 10 2011

Wow, what a day. For starters, I woke up at 5 in the morning. Which if you knew me in person you would know it’s really hard for me. Never was a morning person. What made it worse, I only had a damn half day at work. So, I got up before the damn birds to get off at 12:30. An let me tell you, I might have been tired and annoyed and we have an inspection tomorrow at work and stressing to get things done so we can pass, but only to  have two other co-workers. One who is doesn’t want to be left alone ,to the other one not being able to stay put in the area. Adds more stress then necessary. I can take stress, to a point, but when it comes to lack of help, it pulls at your mind. Of course, all of this  happened  after I walked into the building. What happened before I walked in was what had work buzzing’ all day.

Around 6:15 this morning, I was driving by a Shell gas station like I do every time I go to work. I realize there were cops all over the place, taping off all access to the gas station. Only to find out that they roped off Wendy’s and another gas station as well. Right there alone is really out of the norm for this semi-small town. As I was parking, I realized they had a fire truck and a EMS on stand by. That alone was a sign for trouble to come. I got out my car and like everyone else, we all were trying to understand what is going on. By now, rumors were flying, but in all reality, we didn’t have a clue what’s going on. The first rumor was, it was a robbery and  the robber was  still inside the gas station. Then we heard there was a body of a woman in the ditch between the buildings. That wasn’t it either. As we all head into work, all we see are flashing of lights in the parking lot and about an hour later, a helicopter was shaking the building. Come to find out, it was a stand-off between a guy and the cops. The cops did all they could to get him to put down his weapon. Saddly, the guy put the gun to his own head and shot himself. The guy was a 16-year-old kid. A kid that gets bullied and teased at school. He was air lifted out, so I guess he was hanging onto dear life.

It got me to think. The torture this kid must have gone through to get himself to that point. Anyone who is at the point of being suicidal, you have to wonder. Specially, the ones who have guilt. Whatever their reason to get to the point where they are at, the pain has to be deep. The feeling of loneliness, and depression. Feeling so lost that they feel that killing themselves is the only way to escape the pain and memories, just to relief themselves from it all.

Just got me to stop in my tracks and rethink the things I do. Realizing, I could have been that kid at 16. An even though I have felt the same pain, depression and wonder what if I wasn’t here anymore, everything will stop and go away. But I fought through and the only thing that kept me going was…love. Something inside me got me to really keep going. No matter if love sucked the life out of me and crushed me like a million ton truck, I pushed through. Those who fought through suicidal thoughts, have something to keep them from going through  with it. If it’s a picture, a loved one, or it could be that one person who sticks by you even if you chuck bottles  at them cause of the pain you  are in  and want to be left alone so you can just…let go. They are there to hold you as you are on the floor crying or yelling out for help. Sadly, some just no matter how hard you tried to help, just couldn’t take it anymore. An if you want someone to lean on, lean on someone who understands. Cause no matter how hard life gets, someone always will have it worse than you. But you can not do this alone.  An it doesn’t matter if you are loner or feel you are strong enough, you can’t do it alone.

I just can’t get that poor kid out of my head. Today was a long day. Now it’s time for me to poor me a glass of something strong and soak in the tub. So, remember, no matter how hard life gets, talk out your feelings, or just all around get professional help. The ones who love you and/or CARE will still be there no matter how hard it is for you.

Now where is that drink….





Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: