Being Labeled.

12 12 2012

One thing I hate with a passion is people labeling me something I am NOT.  Usually, it wouldn’t bug me so much if it came from strangers, cause they don’t know me and I don’t give a fuck about what they think and say. It’s the ones that know me or “claim” to know me to label me.  I am not clingy! Maybe you take my actions the wrong way, but I swear on a stack of bibles I am NOT FUCKING CLINGY!!  I mean, for someone who claims to know me so well, you apparently got the wrong impression and to use it against me too which is just so low. It’s very hurtful, cause you trust this person and you thought they would never hurt you. Hell, they promised they wouldn’t. Do I have a target on my forehead that says, “Let’s pretend to know her, get her to like and trust you and then BAM.” I am so sick and tired of people, specially the ones I trust, hurting me. I just have to just chalk this up to being more careful with who I let close to me. I guess I will have to put that on my new years resolution list.

 

Something has to change. Either I do, or the people I let in my life or let go the ones that hurt me now out of my life. I don’t deserve this.  I am worth a lot more than what I get.  I don’t know what I do wrong to have people to think the wrong things about me. I will have to really sit back and dissect my actions before I release it out to the world. Protect my heart and my sanity. An if the people I come across are truly interested in ME, they will never slap labels or assume things about me. Most of all, fight me on wanting me and getting to know me. I know my worth and if they are worth it, I will fight along beside them. I never claim to be perfect. I am an emotional person. When I am mad or really hurt, my actions are totally the opposite of who I am. I always had problems with venting or anything like that. So, everything comes out totally wrong and not what I was going for. Hell, I just need to stop trying to get people to see the person I really am and stop being so emotional, and find other ways to have an outlet. Like on here.

 

Hell, I do feel a lot better letting out my thoughts and feelings on here. Granted, you all are strangers who read this, but I think it’s better sometimes to have someone who completely doesn’t know you, met you or care about you to maybe see where you go wrong. Cause when you are mentally clouded with pain, anger and worry you don’t see as clearly as Joe Blow down the street does.  So, I am asking you, my readers to tell me where you see I go wrong! Please. What can I do, to stop myself from getting into so much pain? Be honest! Could it be I am over reacting or am I being to nice and letting this situation walk all over me, again? I am a strong person, yet I let everything and everyone hurt me when they have a chance. I just have a feeling I will become a serious royal bitch if I put all my walls back up to everyone. I guess, that is the best way to weed out the ones who truly cares, right?

 

Best part of it all. My “brother” and I are going to go off the grid for a little while sometime early next year. Maybe taken another close friend or two who can go, and just disappear. We both have gone through some rough emotional patches in our lives, that we feel we just need to get away just to think clearly. Away from the daily grind and stress. Just go somewhere we never been or go somewhere where we feel comfortable to be in our skin. No computers, no cells..well we will have cellphones, just will be off. It’s so needed. Just totally utterly, disappear. I am going to take it as an adventure of a life time and life changing. I need this and I am going to do it, I don’t care what it takes.

 

Well, anyway, it’s 12-12-12. I hope today brings me strength and luck. This probably be my last entry of the year, considering how often I really update. So, I wish you all a very merry christmas and a happy new year. Later.

-A

 

 

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