Dear John (Part 1)

4 11 2013

Dear Butthead,

I guess it has come down to this. I don’t even know if you are even going to read this or not, and I guess that is ok. I at least will have the world as my witness. I am not hear to bash, I am not here to make you feel worse (if you even feel bad at all).I am just going to say it as it is. From speaking to a few people and showing them all the proof from the very first time we really started talking. They agreed I need to do this (mostly for myself of course).

 

What you do to girls is wrong. Lying, deceiving, disrespecting and cheating on them is so wrong on soooo many levels. It destroys so many lives and leaves girls jaded and mistrusting of any other good real man out there. YOU CAN’T DO THAT TO GIRLS! An from speaking to other girls you have done this to over the course of just this year alone, we all agree that you can’t feel loved or important unless you get the attention from more than one girl at a time. Until you realize you need to learn to love being alone and love yourself, you will continue to do what you have been doing. If you see it or agree with it or not, you will. An WE ALL know that with her “grounding you” (aka lockdown) is only going to hold you back for so long. You know deep down you will be seeking attention else where eventually, if you haven’t done so already. Cause locking you down, is like keeping a lion in a very small cage, it will only destroy you (and I am not the only one who agrees with this, specially from those who known you for sooo long).

 

Here is what makes me the better person and tells me, I’m going to be ok. I don’t hate you hun. Maybe it’s the love I will always have for you or maybe I know deep down once you truly and honestly hit rock bottom, and grow into the man you are meant to be. I will have my days, where I am going to miss you or when I eat mac and cheese I am going to think of you or hear our song and think of you. Hell honestly, I miss our little conversations and I guess I will until time slowly numbs out that pain. Don’t get me wrong, I am very hurt, disappointed and very pissed off at you and will be for a while. An like everything else, time will also wash that away. One thing I do know is, I can never trust you again. Ever. Your chance of having that country life and other things we talked about (if that was even real and honest from your end) has sailed. This last blow up, was the last straw for me. I’M DONE. Everything is gone. So you better hope she was/is worth it. Now, I am open to being civil and just friends, sometime in the future. Right now, I need me some ME time. I need to work on myself and that is a journey of one.

 

 With some time passing I am going to go look for love. Real honest and deep love. I know I am worth loyalty. I am worth the kept promises, I am worth the attention, I am worth the respect. I am worth the passion. I am worth everything real honest love has to offer. AN BY GOD, I FUCKING DESERVE IT! An I am taking everything that has happen has a sign that it was meant to happen. Cause everything happens for a reason. I am going to be honest, there are a few out there that told me to seek revenge. But I am not. It’s childish, high school-ish and just more drama. So not my seen. Besides, karma has a funny way of always doing the dirty work. Might not be tomorrow, next week or 6 months from now, but what goes around comes around. You will have that ah-ha moment, the REAL ah-ha moment. You know what I mean by that. But I will say this, It’s like the song by Mariah Carey called “Someday”..

“You were so blind to let me go
You had it all but didn’t know
No one you’ll ever find will be
Closer to all your dreams than me
Believing the grass would be greener
 You told yourself, “I just don’t need her now”
But I know you’ll soon discover
You’re never satisfied with any other”

Look up the song to hear the rest.. it’s a song that been at my side since it came out. Anyhow, that is all.. for now. I am sure I will do another letter. For now I wish you all the best and wish things get better for you. Good-Bye.

Sincerely,
 Beavis

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