Im here.. Im here..

14 06 2014

Ok.. like I promised, an update, the 411, the scoop on what I am been up too.

For starters, I am still with my sweetie. We are going on 7 months and still going strong. He makes me laugh a lot, makes me feel pretty, he is fun, he is smart and adventurous. I can say, I see myself with him for a long time. He and I are big on trying to keep busy and try new things. We cleaned up the pool he has, so we can swim and I can work on getting my tan on. Next thing we are going to try (weather permitting of course) going on one of Florida’s long bike trails. See nature and get a good work out. I can’t wait. Honestly, been thinking about seriously just moving to Orlando where he is (well move in with him). I just need to find a job. Speaking of which, I am slowly in my heart feel its time that I leave my current job and find something better. So, I also been looking for a job on the side.

I also been looking for more hobbies other than photography (which I am trying to get back into). So I have been watching a lot of YouTube channels on metal detecting and coin collecting. Now I know what you are thinking, but I am telling you from what I seen and read so fair on the web about it all, it’s not only historical findings in it, you can also get money with your findings. I am a beginner and I don’t have a metal detector and I would have to save up for one. In the mean while, I am also looking into coin collecting. Now, I don’t know if I am 100% right or not, but some not a lot of coins made before 1970 like the quarter or half dollars, are made of real silver. I need to do more research on it all, but I spent most of my day looking through all my coins I have in the house and I found some old coins. The oldest one is a 1940 one cent penny. Keep in mind, a lot of pennies back then were made of copper. Then again, not sure if that is true or not, so I will be doing more digging. I will try to keep you posted on that.

Hmm what else… I am on a diet again. It’s hard, specially if I am bored for more than 30 minute cause then I will just eat. What I am doing is, I got an app on my phone that is helping me count my calories and the steps I take throughout the day. Basically, keep my ass moving. Overall, just cut back a lot of my food intake, more of the healthy stuff and stay active. Lost 2 pounds already the first week. Good start in my opinion. Well, I can’t think of anything else so I will be in touch. If anyone out there knows anything about coin collecting, shoot me a message. Any who, I will catch you all later. ūüôā

-A





Dear John (Part 1)

4 11 2013

Dear Butthead,

I guess it has come down to this. I don’t even know if you are even going to read this or not, and I guess that is ok. I at least will have the world as my witness. I am not hear to bash, I am not here to make you feel worse (if you even feel bad at all).I am just going to say it as it is. From speaking to a few people and showing them all the proof from the very first time we really started talking. They agreed I need to do this (mostly for myself of course).

 

What you do to girls is wrong. Lying, deceiving, disrespecting¬†and cheating on them is so wrong on soooo¬†many levels. It destroys so many lives and leaves girls jaded and mistrusting of any other good real man out there. YOU CAN’T DO THAT TO GIRLS! An from¬†speaking to other girls you have done this to over the course of just this year alone, we all agree that you can’t feel loved or important unless you get the attention from more than one girl at a time. Until you realize you need to learn to love being alone and love yourself, you will continue to do what you have been doing. If you see it or agree with it or not, you will. An WE¬†ALL know¬†that with her “grounding you” (aka lockdown) is only going to hold you back for so long. You know deep down you will be seeking attention else where eventually, if you haven’t done so already. Cause locking you down, is like keeping a lion in a very small cage, it will only destroy you (and I am not the only one who agrees with this, specially from those who known you for sooo long).

 

Here is what makes me the better person and tells me, I’m going to be ok. I don’t hate you hun. Maybe it’s the love I will always have¬†for you or maybe I know deep down once you truly and honestly hit rock bottom, and grow into the man you are meant to be. I will have my days, where I am going to miss you or when I eat mac and cheese I am going to think of you or hear our song and think of you. Hell honestly, I miss our little conversations and I guess I will until time slowly numbs out that pain. Don’t get me wrong, I am very hurt, disappointed and very pissed off at you and will be for a while. An like everything else, time will also wash that away. One thing I do know is, I can never trust you again. Ever. Your chance of having that country life and other things we talked about (if that was even real and honest from your end) has sailed. This last blow up, was the last straw for me. I’M DONE. Everything is gone. So you better hope she was/is worth it. Now, I am open to being civil and just friends, sometime in the future. Right now, I need me some ME time. I need to work on myself and that is a journey of one.

 

¬†With¬†some time passing I am going to go look for love. Real honest and deep love. I know I am worth loyalty. I am worth the kept promises, I am worth the attention, I am worth the respect. I am worth the passion. I am worth everything real honest love has to offer. AN BY GOD, I FUCKING DESERVE IT! An I am taking everything that has happen has a sign that it was meant to happen. Cause everything happens for a reason. I am going to be honest, there are a few out there that told me to seek revenge. But I am not. It’s childish, high school-ish and just more drama. So not my seen. Besides, karma has a funny way of always doing the dirty work. Might not be tomorrow, next week or 6 months from now, but what goes around comes around. You will have that ah-ha moment, the REAL ah-ha moment.¬†You know what I mean by that. But I will say this, It’s like the song by Mariah Carey called “Someday”..

“You were so blind to let me go
You had it all but didn’t know
No one you’ll ever find will be
Closer to all your dreams than me
Believing the grass would be greener
¬†You told yourself, “I just don’t need her now”
But I know you’ll soon discover
You’re never satisfied with any other”

Look up the song to hear the rest.. it’s a song that been at my side since it came out. Anyhow, that is all.. for now. I am sure I will do another letter. For now I wish you all the best and wish things get better for you. Good-Bye.

Sincerely,
 Beavis





Keeping Busy.

3 07 2012

Ok.. so I didn’t update yesterday like I said I would, sorry. Just life called and I went out with one of my best friends to meet up with our other best friend to take her to dinner.¬† It was a well needed good time. An that would make it the twice in the past 3 days that I actually had a social outing that involved a lot of laughing.¬†¬†Which like I said,¬†well needed and fun. We would have gone out again today, but one of my friends is a mother and the other one is a full-time student. So, I am taking this as a I should get my lazy ass in gear and get some things done before I have to go back to work and slave for close to another week.

For starters, I need to start writing to my adopted soldiers again. I picked up¬†a unit with my group of ladies I am friends with.¬† It’s a weekly thing and when/if they respond¬†it will keep me busy, specially if more than one write back.¬† An if you are still wondering how to help out, check out the places I volunteer at by reading my pervious entry called, “Volunteer Work.”.¬†¬† I love doing this. It’s the only way I know how to say thank you and show my deepest respect.¬† Specially with tomorrow being 4th of July.

I didn’t go to the gym today like I wanted too, only cause I have things to do that I have putting off. Besides, I am wanting to step up my work out this week even more by trying new things. I will go alone and my goal is to¬†burn more than 600 calories both days. I will do first¬†35 minutes of cardio then 15-20 minutes of weight resistance¬†(specially abs), then another 30 minutes of cardio. I know it’s a lot, but I am trying to get out a lot of ¬†feelings and thoughts. Specially being I can’t tell this person how I feel. It’s nothing negative, but I miss him and I am trying to function.¬†Plus, ¬†when you miss him and feel alone it’s hard sometimes, specially if you are a person like me that is so full of love and passion, and you have to keep it all to yourself it’s really hard. ¬†This is why I shift my passion into working out and volunteering. I’m also trying to throw myself into a book or get myself to do some research. Anything to get my mind of him! ¬†Ugh, this sucks!

Love is hard when there is distance between you and them.¬† I can close my eyes and see his face, and hope¬†I can in that split second feel his arms around¬†me or his kiss before reality slaps¬†me back.¬† I think this is where people would tell me, “sometimes love hurts!”. But love isn’t suppose to hurt, right?¬† God, I need to throw my mind into something that would involve focus and concentration, like doing research on the stars or the planets (love learning about the universe..such a nerd). Fuck, at this point I am willing to pick up my old school books to get my mind off him.¬†Besides between¬†you and I, and I know this sounds weird, but¬†I sometimes feel like I can feel him…¬† arg!!!!!!! ūüė¶

I’m ok…I will be ok anyway. I am nerd with a strong heart and passion, with a good dose of compassion that will make it in this world if it kills me. Well, I am off to keep busy. Clean, read, write and do some research of some sort.¬† Hell,¬† along with doing everything else, have my headphones on and drown out the world in the process too.

Anyway, I wish everyone a Happy and safe 4th of July and remember to thank a soldier, cause with out them we wouldn’t have the freedom we are celebrating.

Later.

-A