A Souls Journey

25 03 2015

Ahhh..love. Love is one thing in life we all crave, if we realize it or not or want it. We walk through life feeling the ups and downs of emotions of love that just can rip the very soul out of our body’s. Make us go so numb that everything goes totally silent in us. Our being, strength and light seems to go blind. We are lost. Dreaming of the day we can feel the warmth of complete acceptance, life and seeing the world in the heart of the one person you can’t breathe without. You are drawn to their light and energy. Yet, for some out there, they seem scared to feel again. Scared their soul will be crushed into nothing. Give up more or less. They walk on this earth pretending to be ok, to make excuses to why they are alone. In deep denial that they are lonely and eager to walk this earth with a force that make them feel like a king or a queen.

To me love is you can look someone in the eyes and the whole world melts away. You float in the air of such peace that every pain, scars and doubt washes away. That only thing that matters is the one heart between you is beating. That you feel something more than love and that word hasn’t even been invented in our life time on earth or before time. Question I have for you is, is there such a love? Is it all a dream? Fantasy? Shit, is it only in the movies? Question you have to ask yourself is, is love worth the risk of getting hurt (again)? Some say, getting hurt is the only way to know you were ever alive. That you can fight your way back to feeling your heart beat again. An you grow from your pain, but never stop loving. If you can stand in the rain with someone, and see their tears, you see them. You see their very soul and without realizing it your soul reaches out to theirs. It’s that moment of ah-ha. That moment where everything goes silent. I understand that everyone sees love differently and that they want to be alone cause they went through so much. I am not saying rush love, it will come to you if you let it. Sometimes it could be right in front of you already but you are totally blind to it. Being patient and letting yourself be open to feeling is a start. I was inspired by a friend to write about love. I see such a beautiful person. An even though we known each other for a short time, you can see he is crawling to love again. I see such love in him and huge burst of light that I wish I could stand in front of him and shake him awake and make him see.

He wants to be alone right now cause he been through so much. I understand that in more ways than you can imagine. He says he is not scared of love. He has been there for me in ways he can’t understand how much I appreciate it. He got me to open up in ways no one did for many years and got me to be me again. I don’t know how he did it, but I feel better talking to him sometimes. Basically, patiently not giving up on me. Making sure I shine and shine bright. So, in return, I am making sure he doesn’t give up whats shining in him and to be open to feeling something again for someone. If that person is Far away or close. To embrace the possibility of truly being ok again. Love again. I am not sure how I am going to do it, but the path to knowing how, will be me being patient with him. There are very few close friends in my life and I see him be in my life as long as he wants me in his. There is so much to say on this subject. I guess, it’s going to be one of those never-ending topics for me on here. If I can’t say what I want too in “person”, it will be in a letter form on here.

To be continued…

-A

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Oh my word!

30 04 2013

Wow  it’s been a while hasn’t it? I’m sorry about that. So much has happened and I really don’t know where to start. Ok, so I guess you I can say, as you know in my pervious blogs, I said I have moved to a better place, right? Well, now I realized that it was the best move I ever made (with my mother of course). Only because here, even though we can be struggling sometimes, we are happier. We now can do things without have such negativity around. For example, if my mother wants to go out with friends, she can go out without getting the backlash from doing so, or simply just even watching what SHE wants on tv without a fight breaking out. It’s things like that! For me, it’s the freedom of being able to have people over and go where ever I want without having to come back late at night and not worry about getting chewed out the next morning. Here its sheer freedom. Now, if we could get more income, it would be awesome! We are working on it though.

 

Overall things are going ok. I have started to surround myself with good positive people. Honest and real friends. Hell, not to long ago I got home from hanging out with my two best friends. We went shopping and had lunch, it was wonderful. Next week before one of my best friends goes back to school, we are  going try to head to the beach for the first time for the season. I’m stoked! Granted, I will probably be sunburned, but it will be worth it to relax to the sound of the ocean and sun. Hell, I will probably start reading a new book while I am there. I’m just enjoying the new life I have going for myself here. Still have steps to take to feel more complete, but I rather enjoy the journey instead of rushing to get to that point. My friends and I have so many things planned for the summer. Well, ok maybe not so many, but a few. Just actually feels good to have a social life. HA!

 

Ok confession! I am starting to date a younger guy and what I mean by younger, by more than 5 years younger! For once in my life, I don’t care what others think about this relationship (granted not a lot of people know yet, just a few).  I don’t look my age, so it looks like we are the same age. He makes me really happy right now. We can’t go a day without talking to one another, even if it’s just texting. We are taking it slow and yes, there are some bumps we will have to get over, but so far we seem to get a long well enough to where we talk things out. Grow from it and get stronger. I can honestly also say, he is one of my best friends. I can tell him anything and he is just there for me and listens. I love it. We laugh a lot and our personality matches up, so mentally and emotionally we work out great. The physical part we are waiting on. Why? Well, I work a lot and he lives an hour away and can get busy too. So, finding time at this very moment is not easy. Although, I am going to take a weekend to see him next month. Ahhh ok.. I am gushing now! I will shut up sorry! lol

 

Well, there you have the updates. I will do my best to update more again in the future. Promise!! 🙂 Later all.

-A