A Souls Journey

25 03 2015

Ahhh..love. Love is one thing in life we all crave, if we realize it or not or want it. We walk through life feeling the ups and downs of emotions of love that just can rip the very soul out of our body’s. Make us go so numb that everything goes totally silent in us. Our being, strength and light seems to go blind. We are lost. Dreaming of the day we can feel the warmth of complete acceptance, life and seeing the world in the heart of the one person you can’t breathe without. You are drawn to their light and energy. Yet, for some out there, they seem scared to feel again. Scared their soul will be crushed into nothing. Give up more or less. They walk on this earth pretending to be ok, to make excuses to why they are alone. In deep denial that they are lonely and eager to walk this earth with a force that make them feel like a king or a queen.

To me love is you can look someone in the eyes and the whole world melts away. You float in the air of such peace that every pain, scars and doubt washes away. That only thing that matters is the one heart between you is beating. That you feel something more than love and that word hasn’t even been invented in our life time on earth or before time. Question I have for you is, is there such a love? Is it all a dream? Fantasy? Shit, is it only in the movies? Question you have to ask yourself is, is love worth the risk of getting hurt (again)? Some say, getting hurt is the only way to know you were ever alive. That you can fight your way back to feeling your heart beat again. An you grow from your pain, but never stop loving. If you can stand in the rain with someone, and see their tears, you see them. You see their very soul and without realizing it your soul reaches out to theirs. It’s that moment of ah-ha. That moment where everything goes silent. I understand that everyone sees love differently and that they want to be alone cause they went through so much. I am not saying rush love, it will come to you if you let it. Sometimes it could be right in front of you already but you are totally blind to it. Being patient and letting yourself be open to feeling is a start. I was inspired by a friend to write about love. I see such a beautiful person. An even though we known each other for a short time, you can see he is crawling to love again. I see such love in him and huge burst of light that I wish I could stand in front of him and shake him awake and make him see.

He wants to be alone right now cause he been through so much. I understand that in more ways than you can imagine. He says he is not scared of love. He has been there for me in ways he can’t understand how much I appreciate it. He got me to open up in ways no one did for many years and got me to be me again. I don’t know how he did it, but I feel better talking to him sometimes. Basically, patiently not giving up on me. Making sure I shine and shine bright. So, in return, I am making sure he doesn’t give up whats shining in him and to be open to feeling something again for someone. If that person is Far away or close. To embrace the possibility of truly being ok again. Love again. I am not sure how I am going to do it, but the path to knowing how, will be me being patient with him. There are very few close friends in my life and I see him be in my life as long as he wants me in his. There is so much to say on this subject. I guess, it’s going to be one of those never-ending topics for me on here. If I can’t say what I want too in “person”, it will be in a letter form on here.

To be continued…

-A

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Love?

6 07 2012

I am going to start this off with saying, I am nowhere near perfect when it comes to love. Personally, I think was born to love. I give more than I get back. Always been that way. I have screwed up a few times and I have gotten hurt in ways I don’t wish on my enemies. I grew up not knowing what love, marriage and happiness is when finding a mate. My parents weren’t really the greatest example as I was growing up. So, I was left with wondering what love really was. Granted, on my path to finding that one love, I have been with some of the coldest assholes on the planet and I been at least with two that were great but to many things kept us from moving forward, so the relationship had to end. God, that was pain.  Specially when you thought you had it all.. it gets ripped from you. It hard to trust a relationship when you are just waiting for that other shoe to drop and you are left out in the cold again, just to start all over again.

I am not giving up though. Just like I was born to love, I was born to fight.  Some call it passion and the will to live. I call it survival. Some people were born in this world to be happy and content on their own, the rest of us were born to love and to be with somebody. I think part of our journey in this life is to find that one person that is willing to accept you for all that you are, flaws and all. An believe you me, I have some flaws that would drive any man nuts. But hey, I am who I am. I am also at the stage of my life for a huge change. I don’t really know what that is at this moment, but I feel it deep in my core.

I just want that one guy that would love me for all that I am. Flaws, habits, willing to understand me, be my best friend, lover, partner in crime, push me to be a better person in this world, make me smile a lot, never to pass judgment or negativity on me, and to really get I am not perfect.  I will screw up sometimes, but I learn from my mistakes and I try to move forward. Most of all, I want him to fight for our love. When I feel like I want to throw in the towel in a fight, grab me, pull me close and kiss me. Overall, learn from one another.

Blah.. I am rambling aren’t I? Sorry. Just I am at that point where I want that rock and friend to come home too.  I will get there one way or another.

Anyway, I need to get my day started. Sadly, I work later on today. Sucks.

-A