Spring is here!

18 03 2014

Hello everyone ūüôā

I don’t know how the weather is on your guys front, but here its beautiful. Everything is turning green and blooming with clear skies and temperatures up in the upper 70s, low 80s making it warm outside. I am loving it! Granted, yesterday it was all cloudy and rainy, but that is part of it all. Mother natures way of kicking everything back alive after a long shitty winter. ūüôā

In fact, about a week or so ago, the boyfriend and I went canoeing. That’s right, you heard me..canoeing. Floating down that river with the weather the way it’s been was just beautiful. Very peaceful as well. I love how the creatures are being born during this time. We saw baby turtles, baby gators, new fish. Hell, that state park even had a natural spring (aquifer) you can swim in. It was hella cold, but it’s that way year around. We plan to go back there again before Spring is over and hike the area some or a lot. He also wants me to take up my hobby again.. photography. That place is great for taking pictures. The beauty of nature right now is at it’s best. We also plan to head out to the beach once the temps reach the 80s all day. He doesn’t like the beach much, but will go for me. I just love having an active boyfriend who is willing to try new things and go places to try to have a little fun. Oh, and I went swimming in his fresh clean pool this past Sunday! ūüôā

Alright, I have to be honest. I am loving it again being in a city. You are close to everything. My boyfriend is 30 minutes (less on days with good traffic) from Universal and Island of Adventure, malls, state parks, events. He and I are trying not to rush things, but with the way things are I am seeing myself moving to Orlando before the year is over. I am just getting burnt out on this small town. Nothing to do here and you would have to drive over 40 minutes to even get anywhere, even if it’s just to the movies. Plus, work is not getting anywhere either or better. I am in a rut. It is like I am stuck going in circles in that place. So, I will have to quit and find something else in the city, or transfer to another store and hope that place is a little better. Just living here is not doing it for me. Feels like I am missing out on life staying here. I think I am at a point in my life to where, not only am I ready to settle down, but to have a real life. All I know is, being with him, I am coming out of my shell and want to see the world. ‚̧

I am trying to mentally keep positive on things. Try not let fear or nerves talk me out of doing what I know in the long run be good for me. I know I will upset some people or make them mad if I leave etc. It will though show me who are my true friends and will be supportive. Anywho, I need to get some cleaning done around here then I am off to work. If you all like to chat with me or keep tabs on other things I am doing, you can do that by following me on twitter and instagram. I am on them a lot more than I am on here. Talk to you all later! ūüôā

Twitter: @CuriousSpirit
Instagram: Curiousangel81



Updates and stuff.. :)

20 02 2014

Hello everyone…

Like I promised, I am here to give you all updates with¬†what I have been doing for the past few months. I honestly don’t know where to begin, lol.¬† Well, after my last post ,¬†“Dear John (pt 2)”, I wanted to avoid the internet a little bit. I tried to keep busy offline. Didn’t work out to well, but then something came over me. You know that feeling you get when you get in your gut that you need to try or do something? I for one, followed my gut and it led me to someone so awesome and amazing. Yes, I know I said in my last post I was going to be single for a while. Just I wasn’t going to seat around and keep thinking about all that is happened and try to pick it to pieces to learn about myself, etc. It would have just brought up old wounds and keep my mind and life going in circles. So, I picked myself up and met someone new. He is literally the best guy I have been with. We clicked on all levels! No joke! It was like we been together for years. I have no words to even begin to describe him. It’s like “God” finally understood what I needed in my life and he brought it in a form of a wonderful new love. He is adventurous, happy, positive, responsible, educated, got a awesome job (pays well), funny, loving, caring, romantic, supportive,¬†fun MAN! He brings the best out of me. He is my best friend, I can tell him anything. He makes me feel better when I am having a bad day. He makes me laugh when I need it the most and¬†tries to make a negativity into a positive.¬†¬†Most of all, no drama in his life. We are going on 4 months and I am still smiling everyday day thanks to him. ūüôā

On the other news, work is still the same. My hunny wants me to quit. I told him it wasn’t that easy to do that. Though he told me it was ok, and that he would help me. I told him, we will see how things go by the summer. I will either start looking serious for a new job (In Orlando where he is) or just quit. If I quit there are a lot of factors I have to consider, cause it would effect one other person cause they also relay on my income right now to pay my part of the bills. So, we will see where things go. I told him, when we are together for 6 whole months and if my debt is all paid off. We will talk some more about it, and¬† with my roommate. For now, I just enjoy my days off with him, doing new things and enjoying¬†his company and love! ūüôā

Overall, I am doing pretty good right now. I just have to fight my way through the mental stress of work and keeping a float here.¬† I also vow to try new things every week somehow. After all, isn’t that what life is all about? Experiencing its wonders and life? One thing that makes it all worth it, is being able to enjoy it¬†with someone who makes life even better in the process. ūüôā¬† Anywho, I am off to get some cleaning done and maybe finally getting my taxes done before I head off to work. I will be back soon! ūüôā


Dear John (Part 2)

12 11 2013

Dear Butthead,

It’s been over a week. I am oddly calm. It’s like I don’t feel anything right now. I don’t know if I am numb, or I actually don’t feel anything. At least right now anyway. I keep¬†wondering¬†why I am the way I am feeling. Then I come to understand maybe I am just in survival mode. That I am just going through stages to move on. While at the same time, learning more about myself and that all of this will make me grow into a better person. I still don’t hate you, that I do know for sure. People still believe I should have such hate and want to make your life miserable. I just don’t hate you and I don’t want to make you¬† miserable. Then I got to thinking, why do I not hate you when everyone is saying I should!?


I don’t hate anyone. Only their actions.¬† From¬†what I know about your past and what you have gone through, you let what hatred people swing your way, if it by a relative or stranger or someone you know, you let it eat at you. You believe what they tell you. If someone calls you a loser, you believe it. If someone tells you, “you are crap and you wont amount to anything!” you believe it. You take that pain and hatred¬†for yourself and you dish it out and look for people to make you feel different. Of course, that lands you to have more than one woman at a time. To feel that love, or to have someone fill that void even if it’s for a short period of time. The only person who can fill that void is yourself. It’s like I said in my last entry. You will never be fully happy and content until you learn to truly love yourself and respect yourself. Until you can do that, you will always do destructive behavior and take good people down with you.

I know right now, you are probably annoyed or a little pissed with what I am saying, but if what I am saying is wrong, you wouldn’t be upset or the fact you are sitting there right now feeling worse cause I am probably one of the few that honestly gets you and understands you. Now I know, you will run this off to your warden and you are going to talk big and bad, trash talk about what I am saying and about me to look big and bad to her, but that is a classic reaction to anything you do right now. She might think she has won, by putting you on lock down from speaking to any of your exes¬†or just to me. Which is a classic sign of being¬†insecure¬†and jealousy. Cause remember, we allowed you to talk to your¬†ex’s¬†while with any of us, cause we were going to give you the benefit of the doubt¬†and give you breathing room to get our trust back. What she is doing is only going to make things worse for the both of you in the long run. I don’t hate her either, just feel sorry for her. An it’s like I said, you better pray and hope she is worth it and is the one, cause what she doesn’t realize, whatever lines you feed her right now to make her feel better are the same lines you fed us. Cause if I or anyone of your¬†ex’s¬†still run across your mind (more than¬†once a day) and you feel regretful, maybe you need to be honest with yourself and her, that you are just not ready to settle down or be serious cause you still care in ways you don’t want to admit.¬† Either way, I wish you both the best and I have no hard feelings towards either one.

I can go on forever like this, but I think you and the world get what I am saying. I still love you, and always will. Why? Cause I see the good in you. I see the love and loyalty in you. Just until you can truly love yourself, you can never feel such amazing love from being loyal to someone. The contentment you get out of that is the most amazing feeling ever. I will never forget you though. I will wonder if you are ok and if your happy. But I am sticking to never being able to trust you again, at least with my heart. I do mean it, once the warden releases the chains on you, I don’t mind being friends and civil (also doing that for your brothers sanity in all this.). You know how to get a hold of me.

I want to be single for a while. It will do me some good. Learn to trust people, and surround me with good people and live my life. Plus, I need to mentally work on myself. I am good person, so.. I forgive you. Take care of yourself butthead.




Dear John (Part 1)

4 11 2013

Dear Butthead,

I guess it has come down to this. I don’t even know if you are even going to read this or not, and I guess that is ok. I at least will have the world as my witness. I am not hear to bash, I am not here to make you feel worse (if you even feel bad at all).I am just going to say it as it is. From speaking to a few people and showing them all the proof from the very first time we really started talking. They agreed I need to do this (mostly for myself of course).


What you do to girls is wrong. Lying, deceiving, disrespecting¬†and cheating on them is so wrong on soooo¬†many levels. It destroys so many lives and leaves girls jaded and mistrusting of any other good real man out there. YOU CAN’T DO THAT TO GIRLS! An from¬†speaking to other girls you have done this to over the course of just this year alone, we all agree that you can’t feel loved or important unless you get the attention from more than one girl at a time. Until you realize you need to learn to love being alone and love yourself, you will continue to do what you have been doing. If you see it or agree with it or not, you will. An WE¬†ALL know¬†that with her “grounding you” (aka lockdown) is only going to hold you back for so long. You know deep down you will be seeking attention else where eventually, if you haven’t done so already. Cause locking you down, is like keeping a lion in a very small cage, it will only destroy you (and I am not the only one who agrees with this, specially from those who known you for sooo long).


Here is what makes me the better person and tells me, I’m going to be ok. I don’t hate you hun. Maybe it’s the love I will always have¬†for you or maybe I know deep down once you truly and honestly hit rock bottom, and grow into the man you are meant to be. I will have my days, where I am going to miss you or when I eat mac and cheese I am going to think of you or hear our song and think of you. Hell honestly, I miss our little conversations and I guess I will until time slowly numbs out that pain. Don’t get me wrong, I am very hurt, disappointed and very pissed off at you and will be for a while. An like everything else, time will also wash that away. One thing I do know is, I can never trust you again. Ever. Your chance of having that country life and other things we talked about (if that was even real and honest from your end) has sailed. This last blow up, was the last straw for me. I’M DONE. Everything is gone. So you better hope she was/is worth it. Now, I am open to being civil and just friends, sometime in the future. Right now, I need me some ME time. I need to work on myself and that is a journey of one.


¬†With¬†some time passing I am going to go look for love. Real honest and deep love. I know I am worth loyalty. I am worth the kept promises, I am worth the attention, I am worth the respect. I am worth the passion. I am worth everything real honest love has to offer. AN BY GOD, I FUCKING DESERVE IT! An I am taking everything that has happen has a sign that it was meant to happen. Cause everything happens for a reason. I am going to be honest, there are a few out there that told me to seek revenge. But I am not. It’s childish, high school-ish and just more drama. So not my seen. Besides, karma has a funny way of always doing the dirty work. Might not be tomorrow, next week or 6 months from now, but what goes around comes around. You will have that ah-ha moment, the REAL ah-ha moment.¬†You know what I mean by that. But I will say this, It’s like the song by Mariah Carey called “Someday”..

“You were so blind to let me go
You had it all but didn’t know
No one you’ll ever find will be
Closer to all your dreams than me
Believing the grass would be greener
¬†You told yourself, “I just don’t need her now”
But I know you’ll soon discover
You’re never satisfied with any other”

Look up the song to hear the rest.. it’s a song that been at my side since it came out. Anyhow, that is all.. for now. I am sure I will do another letter. For now I wish you all the best and wish things get better for you. Good-Bye.


Wow. Been awhile, eh?

26 10 2013

I am so sorry for the lack of updates. So many things has happened. I am single, but we are working on getting back together. I am struggling with money. Work is stressful like usual. I just been all over the place, mentally anyway.  Mainly, struggling with income. After bills, I have a few dollars left. Its sad really. I can’t get another job, cause of the unpredictable schedule of my current job. Which got me thinking, about how to try to earn money on the side even if its just a hundred bucks and I went online and I found a way to be a affiliate with  CafePress.com (you can click the link below). It’s pretty simple. You get 15% commission on any sales the person made by clicking your banner. Easy right? Well, I am going to give it a shot, what do I have to lose?  If you are interested in doing this too, just visit the link below and click the link “sell”. It will walk you through it, just make sure you read the fine print. Anyway, I will be back soon. Promise.

I am just to tired to think right. Talk to you all soon. ūüôā


Oh my word!

30 04 2013

Wow¬† it’s been a while hasn’t it? I’m sorry about that. So much has happened and I really don’t know where to start. Ok, so I guess you I can say, as you know in my pervious blogs, I said I have moved to a better place, right? Well, now I realized that it was the best move I ever made (with my mother of course). Only because here, even though we can be struggling sometimes, we are happier. We now can do things without have such negativity¬†around. For example, if my mother wants to go out with friends, she can go out without¬†getting the backlash from doing so, or simply just even watching what SHE wants on tv without a fight breaking out. It’s things like that! For me, it’s the freedom of being able to have people over and go where ever I want without having to come back late at night and not worry about getting chewed out the next morning. Here its sheer freedom. Now, if we could get more income, it would be awesome! We are working on it though.


Overall things are going ok. I have started to surround myself with good positive people. Honest and real friends. Hell, not to long ago I got home from hanging out with my two best friends. We went shopping and had lunch, it was wonderful. Next week before one of my best friends goes back to school, we are¬† going try to head to the beach for the first time for the season. I’m stoked! Granted, I will probably be sunburned, but it will be worth it to relax to the sound of the ocean and sun. Hell, I will probably start reading a new book while I am there. I’m just enjoying the new life I have going for myself here. Still have steps to take to feel more complete, but I rather enjoy the journey instead of rushing to get to that point. My friends and I have so many things planned for the summer. Well, ok maybe not so many, but a few. Just actually feels good to have a social life. HA!


Ok confession! I am starting to date a younger guy and what I mean by younger, by more than 5 years younger! For once in my life, I don’t care what others think about this relationship (granted not a lot of people know yet, just a few).¬† I don’t look my age, so it looks like we are the same age. He makes me really happy right now. We can’t go a day without talking to one another, even if it’s just texting. We are taking it slow and yes, there are some bumps we will have to get over, but so far we seem to get a long well enough to where we talk things out. Grow from it and get stronger. I can honestly also say, he is one of my best friends. I can tell him anything and he is just there for me and listens. I love it. We laugh a lot and our personality matches up, so mentally and emotionally we work out great. The physical part we are waiting on. Why? Well, I work a lot and he lives an hour away and can get busy too. So, finding time at this very moment is not easy. Although, I am going to take a weekend to see him next month. Ahhh ok.. I am gushing now! I will shut up sorry! lol


Well, there you have the updates. I will do my best to update more again in the future. Promise!! ūüôā Later all.


Broken. Part 1

22 10 2012

Well, what can I say…things went from complicated to beyond worse. Why? Well, I had to let him go last night, cause I found out a few things that were against my golden rules. I’m honestly speechless. I don’t know if it is because deep down I knew already and wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. Then again, the whole “cause I love him” thing also played a factor. I snapped out of that once I was told the truth, NOT by him, but by his roommate who had nothing to lose¬†by lying. Like I said, I had a feeling.¬†He just pointed out all the signs and connected all the dots together for me. Just as quickly, my eyes opened and a flood of pain rushed in. Once again, I was blinded by “love” and by¬†trusting. Stupid, stupid, stupid!!

I’m ok though. I know, there are many different forums of “ok” and I can’t honestly tell you what stage I am at. Cause at the moment I am numb. Numb like I don’t care what happens to anyone right now. I just don’t have the energy and the strength at the moment to care and love. Emotions are shut down. It’s a normal feeling to have, and I don’t know how long I will be feeling this way. I know with time I will be fine and bounce fully back, but I am taking this as a lesson¬†learned and I am learning from it. I am just so disappointed in myself. How can I let him do that to me? What is worse is that, I trusted him. WHY? WWHHYY?!? ARG! It is bad enough that I have trust issues, but lord he set me back. One emotion I am feeling is anger. At myself and at him. I mean, how could I have let him suck me in like that!?!? I guess, he played me on the fact¬†I am¬†a very open and loving person and all it took was to say the right things,¬†to keep me sticking around.¬† Maybe, I am a fucking fool for saying this, but maybe, just maybe he was telling the truth about how¬†he felt. Just why couldn’t he act on them in the honorable way?¬† *SCREAMS* I just can’t believe anything right now until I know what is real and what is not. Sadly, he is the ONLY one who can prove to me on that.¬† Right¬†now, if he were to even try to talk to me by calling or texting, or hell try coming down and seeing me… I will not be able to listen or care as I hit him with everything I can get my hands on. I am completely shut down and it would be dangerous to talk to me, cause everything will come out. I am OPEN MINDED at what the future will bring. Just right now, I don’t even want to hear his name, know what he is doing, WHO he is doing or if he is missing me.¬† I know my worth and he KNEW how much I understood and accepted him, yet still managed to hurt me. He wanted, time to process things out and figure things out….being with¬†two women at once. NO hun it doesn’t work that way. Well, now you have ALL the space and time you need, cause now that don’t have either women, you can have¬†all the silence and time to process things now.

What amazes me is that, I don’t hate him. I should want to hit him with my car, make his life worse off then it is for him right now. But I have class, respect for myself and sadly, I still love him.¬†With¬†time, I know I will have waves of emotions of missing him, wanting to talk to him, wanting him back to wanting to beat the living shit out of him. I guess time will heal all wounds, just the path that the¬†healing will go down on is up to me.¬† I’m lost at the moment, so who knows when or how I am going to start to heal. I guess, it will be one day at a time. I just really have to just keep busy and not dwell¬†on it. What is playing over in my head in my head is his last text to me. I was like “WTF?!”. I mean seriously. Do you not know me at ALL? Cause if he knew me as well as his roommate does, then he would feel like shit for saying what he said. All he had to do is just get to¬†know me¬†and I mean, really get to know me. I smiled when his roommate agreed he didn’t know me at all. Sad, isn’t it? Not to mention, I quote, “You are the best woman he ever brought home! Do you have a friend or a sister like you?”.¬† God, everyone sees it but him. Wow. Totally blind to a TRUE ONE love.¬† Maybe it wasn’t our time. God, listen to me… ūüė•

I am just going to take care of me and live the life I am meant too. Over all, time can only tell where it’s all going to make me end up. Besides, it will give me the chance to take care of some personal things as I try to heal. I am proud of one thing…. I will not give up on love. Not even all he has done can keep me from that one happiness and strength. I know my worth and I know the truth in my heart. Someday someone will see it and I will be¬†finally complete.

Time for a drink to keep the numbness going.