I am not sure if I am even that broken anymore to be honest. I am at the point where I just want to give eye for an eye. You know that stage you want them to feel your pain before you can just “let it all go”. It’s like a that part in the movie were the woman gets her revenge and walks off completely satisfied. No one gets physically harmed, just they get that moment of “ah-ha” and realize they fucked up and get karma served cold. Now for those who all really know me, know I am not like that, but a for a woman who keeps getting hurt, maybe I need to do something to show I shouldn’t be fucked with. I mean, everyone has a cold, detached, not giving a fuck side. Just right now, I am at that stage were that little devil in me wants to come out. It’s like, the only way I can feel better is if I do some emotional harm. Just in my MY situation, it’s hard to get the upper hand when he is silent, which is his way of fucking with your head. Then again, with what I know and can spill….lord it would be a great ending to my scene in the movie. The best part is, he knows it and banks on it that I don’t say a damn word. hahaa.
I think one of this reasons he ever “liked me” is my ability to fight like that. Which could mean, I can handle him and understand him. Hell, I understand him in ways and can handle him ,more than he even understand and knows. Just I refuse to be the another woman, or is it the other way around? I dunno, but either way, I know my worth and will not settle for less. I deserve loyalty, honesty and respect! An I will be damned if he or any other guy that would come into my life thinks they can fool me anymore or LIE to me anymore. So, bring it ASSHOLES! GAME ON!
Arg!! I have so much anger built up!! I mean all he has to do is, give me back my damn stuff! What is he trying to prove by hanging onto them? Cause if I have to make a 4 day road trip/vacation and go up there and get it, it won’t be pretty for anyone I run into when I get there, cause my mouth will not remain closed. I warned him, so I am giving him time to keep his “word”. I am not a toy or a game…so I am tired of being fucked with!! Damn if it weren’t 10:35 in the morning I would have a drink to calm my nerves right now. I will have to settle for music and going for a run or something. I think I just need to try to stay away from people today, cause even though home life right now is very rough and stressful, even the littlest thing can set me off. Hell, maybe I should just sleep the day away or something or go somewhere alone and turn off my phone for a little while. Anyway, you all have a wonderful day and I will post again when I am not so damn angry! Grr.
-A
Curious Spirit... 